Client # 9
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a very attractive woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 871”
Client # 8
I was scared at first.
It was very wide, and very long,
and it angled straight up.
I decided I had to try it once.
I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it.
It felt weird at first.
Then I got used to it.
I went up and down, and up and down on it.
I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
Client # 7
I took my fingers and slowly,
and gently stretched it apart.
It was so pure and white.
I licked it once, twice … I found I couldn’t stop.
I licked it faster and faster, and harder.
I began to scrape my teeth against it.
There it was, in my mouth!
All sweet and creamy.
I was done.
And I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookies.
Client # 6
I squeezed it gently at first,
then a little bit harder.
There seemed to be more and more of it
I moved it towards my lips.
It was a strange and new sensation for me.
I put it in my mouth
and moved it around and around with my tongue.
The time soon came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience.
The 1st time I tasted toothpaste.
Client # 5
They were both round and firm.
There was only the slightest difference between the two.
I took one in my hand and twisted it hard.
I used my other hand to grab the other one
and twist it hard the other way.
Now there’s a brighter light bulb in the living room.
Client # 4
It was very long, kind of thin.
I slid it between my fingers
until I got to the end of it.
I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands,
and the end was wet.
Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
Client # 3
I knew it could be done.
I wanted to try but I didn’t know if I could do it.
I called my friend.
He said he knew how to do it and would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started.
I watched nervously in the mirror.
He finally finished and pulled back slowly.
I felt relieved that it was over.
I hate neckties.
Client # 2
It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.
I wasn’t sure just what I wanted to do with it.
I carefully pulled it apart with my fingers to look into it better.
I knew how great it would be if I just started eating it.
But I decided to put ketchup on my burger
Client # 1
For the Client # 1 joke and more, visit http://www.comedy.com/jokes